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Peace Talks

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

A. P. Herbert

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

Lyndon B. Johnson

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.

Robert Anderson



Chazal felt that divorce is generally a bad idea. It messes up the kids [I've seen it a thousand times!] and causes great anguish to all. That is the idea behind the kesuba. Divorce will cost ya. I was reminded of this when I saw the following article. So something good has come out of this financial downturn. [Of course I am not referring to those cases where divorce is necessary.]

The Torah teaches that we ERASE THE NAME OF HASHEM to bring peace between man and wife. That shows how critical it is.

May we all be zocheh to be married in PEACE.

One other interesting halachic application is a Gemaga in Nedarim (22b). The din is that if one takes a neder with Shem Hashem ("B'Elokei Yisrael"), the chachamim cannot be matir that neder since Hashem's name is involved.

The exception to this rule is if the husband suspected the wife of stealing money/hitting the children and forbade her with the neder (by using Hashem's name) from deriving any benefit from him.

If the husband later finds out that his suspicions were incorrect, the chachamim can be matir this neder.

Most of the mefarshim there explain that this is in oder to maintain shalom between husband and wife.

Similar to the "mei Sotah" that you made reference to, we see that here Hashem is willing to be mochel on his own kavod (kaviyachol) in order to preserve shalom bayis as much as possible.

Kol Tuv, Good Shabbos.

Kal Vachomer - It is a great kavod to have a baki in Shas reading the blog!!!

Thanks for the hay'ara!

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About me

  • I'm Rabbi Ally Ehrman
  • From Old City Jerusalem, Israel
  • I am a Rebbe in Yeshivat Netiv Aryeh.
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